Why I Contemplate Leaving Web Development

I wrote this over 5 years ago and realized it was in DRAFT mode.....

20 some years in web development.  I love what I do but as I get older, I don't do what I love. I find myself dealing with more people, egos and conflicts.

Becoming a Senior Developer, the expectation from others that I have noted is that you have matured in...who the fuck knows.  The definition of maturity and seniority is so obscure and confusing to me.

That simple paradigm is not quite possible anymore.  I have to find a way to cope with people with whom I do not like, care not for their concerns, and ultimately, am actually quite dissatisfied with how they perform. I am not an ego-maniac, I just believe in the "walk your talk" idea and I have strong feelings that those around me fall short.  But I also praise exceptional performance. Perhaps my expectations or perception are jaded somehow, I don't know.

I have a lot of pride and ownership in everything I do.  I find solutions for even the most complex issues; I find simple solutions for complex issues.  Perhaps it is my experience that allows me to do that but for some reason, being just a "developer" doesn't gain the right level of respect that I believe it is worth.

Yeah, it's just a job.  Work might as well be a four letter word as I am working everyday to find the happiness when others want to bring me down; such a conundrum.

Not sure if it is life or programming in general but dealing with people is really awful and not fun.

With so many different opinions, behaviors and emotions, it is just too much for me - I just want to build cool web applications without dealing with child-like adults that appear to me to have schizophrenia and bi-polar disorders.

Not stressed, just tired of talking to adults as if they are children.

2019
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I don't feel this way anymore.  I have realized how judgmental that I have been in life expecting so much from from others.  I have changed my perspective and am much happier.

Nobody Read My Posts Anyway

I have come to realize that I don't publicize my blog - therefore, nobody cares.  But that is ok.  I don't write these random words and thoughts because I want someone to read them.  I write them because it helps me get thoughts out of my head to allow me to sleep at night.

I could have the most epic story ever in this blog but because I don't tell anyone it exists, the words and letters typed here are just mine; like a personal journal.

If you are reading, I had the best time at an AWS Summit in DC with a colleague last week.  We did the the meet-n-greet, learned some stuff and crash a party.

I don't know what life is about, even with kids and married 18 years.  I just work with what I get handed everyday; somedays I give hand-outs as well.

Not really sure of the topic for this post, just that I am saying "hi" to the world and that 'we" are all the same.

Until next time...

Epiphany - I'm an Asshole

Despite how much I express dislike for the industry that I am in, there is still something that I enjoy about it.  Perhaps it is the people. 

No matter how crappy I feel somedays about work or when I fail to meet personal goals,  I have somehow managed to surround myself with some great friends.  We all lean on each other and not just for work related matters.

A couple of years ago, I had this grand epiphany that "I wasn't alone!"  Crazy right???  For some some reason I thought that I have been alone in life, doing my thing, surviving for my own needs.  I finally learned that - so is everyone else!!  By the way, that was a hard realization for me, quite humbling and eye-opening.

I want to take a more positive perspective on people, my life and work in general as I have been cynical and angry for too long.  I likely won't change the name of the blog as it sounds catchy.

Next time I post, I want to provide something more provocatively exciting and helpful.

Year of Transition

I feel like I have fought the fight.  Learned so much with web development, web architecture and finally have obtained good knowledge with Amazon Web Services.

Truth is, I think I am now a developer, sys admin, it administrator, security analyst and automation engineer.  Funny how I only get a salary for one of those titles.

I thought that as I got older, things would get easier or at least become more clear-coated.  I was mistaken as I have been learning so much over the past few years with cloud computing, geospatial analysis and weather forecasting that my brain is turning into a computation device.  I am losing my human touch but also enjoying the vast amount of knowledge and learning.

I don't know how to balance the onslaught of information but seem to absorb it pretty well; even at 44 years old.  I'm sure that there will be a time where I can't so I must appreciate it whilst I can - I suppose.

I have always been a technology cynic but haven't swayed from it.  It is an interesting love-hate relationship that I have with technology.  As much as I love learning new things, I hate feeling like I am starting over all the time.  I thought my failures in my 20's would have made me a super-pro at 44 years old.  That isn't the case as I am humbled every day when I try to implement something new and break something which takes a toll on my self worth.

I live to fail everyday, just to learn from my own mistakes - so is life.